My Sweet Baby Girl,
It’s crazy to think that you’d be two soon. That you’d be a toddler! Your own little person with your crazy, beautiful personality coming out more each day, I’m sure. Gosh, I miss seeing that. Miss watching you hit milestones as you grow. I often wonder when you would’ve done each new thing. I wonder that when I get to watch your little brother do new things. Every time he does something new I always wonder when you would’ve done it and how it would’ve been. Your brother is a true boy and grunts all the time. I wonder what your little noise would’ve been. Probably something so cute and sweet, just like the little princess you are.
I put your little brother in the nursery the other day during church and it hit me harder than I thought it would. Lots of little moments do that. The moments that I longed to have with you that I get to have with him. So many times I walked past that nursery, heartbroken and wishing you were there. As with lots of things after loss, it’s a mix of emotions. I’m beyond grateful for each day I get to spend with your baby brother, and I’m equally aware and sad that I didn’t get to spend those moments with you. I think it’s more profound now that we have a baby here as well. While we knew what we were missing, we didn’t really know until we got to experience life with a baby here on earth. I miss kissing your little face, and I’m sure your brother will have a word with you when he gets to heaven… I may be a bit overboard with kissing him since he’s here. And celebrating him. Even the smallest things he does that he learns get a big applause and cheer. I can’t help it. It’s such a blessing to watch him grow. Time is such a gift.
I don’t know what heaven will look like one day with you. I secretly hope that it includes getting to watch you grow. Or will you be my little baby girl forever? I’m not sure. What I do know is that it won’t matter. Being with you, and the rest of our family will be the best gift. Getting to hold you in my arms and kiss your sweet face. Finally getting to see you smile and if you grow, call me Mama. Whatever it looks like, they will be moments with you. Ones that I can not wait for. Ones that I have yearned for for almost two years now. I miss you more than words can say. I’m so thankful for each day I get with your little brother and it never takes away from the love I have for you. You are forever and always a part of this family; you help keep our eyes fixed heavenward. Where our family will be together at last. And the moments that we will have together will be endless.
I love you, my sweet baby girl!
Love,
Momma
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